made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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