My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
