So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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