Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
