dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
