he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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