For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
