I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
