Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
