Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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