I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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