I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
