jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
