My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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