All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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