Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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