Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
