Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Come share oat with me in your robe
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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