It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
