Can Purell be used as lube?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize