If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
