he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
