the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
