Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
