The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
