I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
