this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
