didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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