Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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