Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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