Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
