its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
NoShamevember. You game?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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