Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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