this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
