I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
