Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
