Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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