If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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