Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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