Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
