just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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