I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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