Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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