official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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