I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
