she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Farmville is her only friend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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