can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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