I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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