Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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