That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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