like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
