We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
