your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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