"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
