So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
