Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Pooping to opera.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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