I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
