Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
