Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
