It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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