I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
