just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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