I can't breathe out the right side of my face
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
