Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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