Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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