How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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