Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
that's an acceptable place to lick
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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