i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
