bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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