He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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