Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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