Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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