I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
