and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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