I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
